| I am so sick of life |
[Mar. 1st, 2004|12:31 am] |
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I dont know what it is exactly. Sometimes i feel so happy about everything, sometimes I feel happy about nothing. Sometimes I feel like I cant live another day without Brian and other days dont seem to bother me as much. When I feel like i cant go another day I usually end of having a panic attack. I get all anxious and cant breathe and I feel like i wanna pass out. I dont know what it is exactly. I miss him like crazy and I want him to come back so bad but I know I cant push the issue right now. Crystal(his mom) is moving out here in a week and i am excited. She is a very sweet woman..I am just confused because if he and I dont get back together then who knows how i will handle meeting the new gf..and especially because i am going to be living with his mother....UGGGHHHHH...I am depressed and lonely....i try so hard to keep from crying....I feel in my heart that i belong with him and am supposed to be a part of his life and family. I just hope he finds whatever it is that he is looking for. Meanwhile I am still bored and have no one really talk to. Like today I called him and he said that him and nancy(the woman he is living with, not a gf..shes much older then he is) went out and ran errands today and got something to eat and that they were going out to play pool in a little bit. Why, may I ask, was i never good enough to go anywhere with? why, when I wanted to go out and do something together(especially after i turned 21 and we could go to more places) he didnt feel good or wanted to just stay home....I really cant do this anymore...Its to hard...I wish there was a button u could push to rewind ur life...dreaming..i know but i still wish none the less. He is the only person I ever truely loved in my life and he was willing to accept my physical imperfections. My heart isnt whole now really...its just something that beats to keep me alive...it has no spirit anymore....it feels like i am drifting around in nothingness, waiting for the moment when everything is right....Who knows what will happen in the next few days...i certainly dont know...but it is getting late so i will sign off for now and write more later. |
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| Well I finally came back.... |
[Feb. 25th, 2004|10:21 pm] |
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Finally found my way back here..what with all the computer changing and my ex boyfriend moving...what can i say..its been a mess. I got to see Erin On Monday. That was fun. Havent seen her in almost a year....anyways will update more soon. |
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| My first entry |
[Jan. 4th, 2004|01:37 am] |
Well after seeing how cool my two great friends journals are i decided to try it out. Not much to add quite yet but hey what can i say..Its late for one and I am tired. Anyways heres a pic of me..a little old but i dont have the cool software i used to use with my scanner so nothing wants to save like i like it..Hope it works
http://thumbs.villagephotos.com/index.asp?id_=7467848 |
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silverrose11's journal